Ann's Dancing Letters

Circle of Life. Angels abound...

2009-07-11T11:34:00.002-04:00

oh my friends. am typing through tears, our Dear friend Deb crossed over to the other side of Love herself Wds night . we are not priviledged to get many people who are our friends for over 45 years, I'm so grateful that mine (Nancy, Deb, & Robin & husbands) were all at Jenni's weddin last summer. roger is going to push me over a cliff if I don't get my hole-in-the-head back to bed to start recovery meself, so TTFN, lots of love spread amongst you ALL.

we'll be in touch, we promise. XXOOO annie wt the hole-in-head.

home again...

2009-07-09T13:20:00.002-04:00

bak home yesteroday after overnigght at Roanoke Memorial; everythng went very well with procedure yesterady. Hole in Brain all set & prepped & ready to have stitches out & chemo in back in at my usual clinic tomorrow afternoon. today is "remember you had minor./major surgery and heal up easily" day. tomorrow is Oh Hell, Here Comes the Chemo again day ;-(( Yesteray gail ws the only on tall enough to tell me what the "stent/port/cath" looks like...she was giggling because it looked like a gadget we wer supposed to touch the switch on every 5 min, lol. NOT.

can't say Thannk You enough for all the love and letters alreay cming my way in high volume; can't say nough haw frustratd i am that i have haf yur birthday cards finished but on th way?? not bloody likely.

loveloveluv all around,
Annabella with the hole in the head-a

Around the corner again...

2009-07-06T19:31:00.002-04:00

Grab yer hats folks here comes the next giant loop on the Blob Ride. The last chemos we tried just didn't do the job completely. They tried, but led to some even nastier side effects than the cancer caused! I have now had breast cancer that has pretended to be all sorts of things...as of right now, it is trying to be several forms of meningitis working on my spinal lymph fluids. We 've knocked that away but the next step is to have a small "shunt" or valve put into my skull and twice a week I will have chemo "shot" by injection into the shunt. So tomorrow morning, Roger will deliver me to the hospital in Roanoke (about 1 hour away) where noon-ish a surgeon will do one of these fairly routine stent insertions. They'll keep me overnight (to watch as I'm high risk for infection) and send me home the next day. Handily, sister Gail lives just a few blocks from the hospital, so she and Roger will trade off lookn after me as much as needs be....then after i get settled in back home, the "routine" will be to go to the same clinic I've been going to and twice weekly have th chemo shot in.

Hope this is clear as mudd to you all as it is to me. We'll keep you posted on any changes, but for now, I'm going to assume No News Is Good News!

back on the Roller Coaster

2009-07-01T20:49:00.002-04:00

my dear angel friends...sorry, I took a week off from the world and spent it at the local hospital. Not a bad place to be when you can't stop barfing & are totally open to "Better Living with Modern Chemicals"..plenty of great pain meds, lol. Am glad to report i got better in time to come home in time for the weekend. Jenni has been here so I'm being looked after by a wondrful father/daughtr team :-) Max & Chelsea are off to NYC for a much needed "get out of town" trip, hope they have a blast in the big city ;-))) Tests this afternoon show the cancer is still moving around my spinal fluid a bit so I've got loads of pain meds & ster0oids for the weekend and plenty of firewo0rks to help our NewlyWeds celebrate their FIRST anniversary! Next week we'll start again with a whole new procdure & set of drugs...but for now , please rest with me and I'll keep you posted next week PLEASE imagine that yo9u are gettting wondrful hand lettered thank yu cards for all my amazing mail that has been entertaining my family, neighbors, and hopsital staff!

doodles of big hugs ((((*)))))

2009-06-14T18:32:00.003-04:00

good afternoon,

can you say very loudly Cancer Sucks! for all of you who have been so kind as t0 say i'm some sort of inspiration, it's a darn good thing you aren't around me today. The new treatment in my spine is time consuming but doesn't hurt until later...and then crapola, i've barely made it out of bed today..when you are hurting in every bone too much to get out of bed f0r chocolate, well, you know that means i'm a mess. can't read or hold a book or type for very l0ong, s0 sweet roger raised the tv in my room so it is high enough for me to see. mowstly i've been listening to old movies on it, NOW we kn0ow why we pay for all those movie chanels! and Sister Gail & Dreamboat Dakota the Wo0nder Lab came by for a nice visit today. so here's a toast to a pretty good, coould be worse day all things considered ;-) flowers from a month or so ago

Its about That Time Again

2009-06-11T10:45:00.005-04:00

Oh my friends & family ,

so sorry I haven't been in touch much these last few month. I was very sick from some chemo & then when we went off that chemo & I got even sicker, go figure. The WORST has been that lack of feeling in my fingers has kept me from typing or lettering , not to mention dropping plates of food when I do attempt to eat...lost 30 lbs but trust me, this is NOT the way to go. It is also very hard to hold the phone for long!

This week, tests confirmed that I now have something called "Carcinatomous (Cancerous) Meningitis" on my spine & in the lining of my brain. There are several treatments but my docs and I have decided that surgically putting a "port" into my brain for chemo or getting radiation to my brain could leave me pretty disfunctional for long time (as if i haven't felt disfunctional for a long time now!) so I am going to start a treatment that means i'll have a Lumbar Puncture (or "Spinal tap") twice a week for about 3 weeks to receive chemo and then we'll re-evaluate. I had the Lumbar puncture yesterday & while it was briefly painful, it truly wasn't as bad as I'd anticipated.

So that's the latest on the Cancer Path for me. Lots of diagnosis could be worse, so I am trying to be positive that this might take away the nausea & back pain & give me back some finger feeling.

I can't tell you how much your wonderfully supportive e-mails, CARDS (all works of ART!), and messages have lifted me up...not to mention the prayers & love sent from around the world! Please understand if I don't get back to you right away!

doodles of Love and Gratitude to you all.

Praise Song for Today

2009-01-20T20:24:00.002-05:00

Oh, what a day. I love Inaugurations and this one was one of the best ever. I'm so proud of everyone involved, what class, finesse, style, courage and endurance was demonstrated, and most of that was before breakfast ;-) I do hope Elizabeth Alexander's poem "Praise Song for The Day" does get wide attention, every word in it was so carefully crafted, as were all the speeches. Despite another person's opinion expressed forcefully that almost half the country is not feeling like celebrating today, I say, too bad, be gracious. I have been gracious about recent inaugurations, it is more about America than it is about any particular person, even the president.

And oh, did you hear? CNN tells us that the gift Mrs. Obama gave to Mrs. Bush this morning was a handmade leather journal and "special" pen to begin her chronicles of Life before/during/after being First Lady. Hurray for Michelle and her style and consideration!

So tonight, at least in cyberspace, let's dance together at all the Balls. Lets celebrate the Arts, a Hope for Peace, a Wish for Cancer Cure...I'll be the one in purple paint splashed satin with alphabet shaped diamonds dangling all over...see you there!

Inaugural Remembrances

2009-01-16T09:29:00.002-05:00

Good morning friends! TV is front and center today as we ALL give praise and Thanks for the "Miracle on the Hudson" yesterday. To distract myself from my news obsessions, I've been paying close attention to as much Inaugural hoopla as I can :-)

When we first moved to suburban MD outside of DC in 1964, we lived in-between Bethesda and the Town of Rockville. Rockville was considered so rural that despite our actual mailing address being "Rockville" my mother from Texas told *everyone* that we lived in "North Bethesda". It was considered swank by comparison to anything further north or east of DC, wry grin. Most of my friends' fathers worked at NIH (no Metro...) and the Shrivers (of Kennedy relation) had a farm hidden in some woods adjacent to our high school where their cows would sometimes get out onto our football field. I believe White Flint Mall is now near what used to be that farm!

I will be *glued* to the TV all day on the 20th; one of the things I adore about Washington is the Pomp and Circumstance of an Inauguration! Back in the 60's, we could drive downtown to my father's office and stand on the curb out front to see an Inaugural Parade :-) Once, my mom heard on the Inauguration TV coverage that Lyndon Johnson &Co. were quietly leaving the White House for the last time and going for lunch to Averil Harrimon's house in Bethesda, and we rushed over there, just about beating the press, to watch them get out of limos and go inside. I think that was one of the only times I saw LBJ in person. I was young enough to fit under the arm of a LaRGe TV cameraman (and boy, were TV cameras huge back then) to get a good look at the then "Former" President :-) Mom always prided herself on figuring out where politicians lived (especially in Bethesda, lol) (no CNN, no People Magazine, maybe even no National Enquirer back then!) and was extremely proud of the fact that she had figured out where Camp David actually was because we used to camp at a Nat'l Park Service camp in the mountains of northern Maryland near there regularly. It's location was considered Top Secret back then...no GPS or Google Earth either, just my mom's keen observations and deductions :-))

OK, confession time too....I can't WAIT to see what Michelle Obama is going to wear to all the events, sigh, just call me a First Lady Fashionista? We were even lucky enough to see the 60's version of the First Ladies Dresses display at the fairly new Museum of American History at the Smithsonian back when they had a dress from every First Lady on display...they were in sad need of repair and conservation even then, but no matter how they "improved" the exhibit, I sure did love that original one.

Doodles of Remembrances and Hope

2009-01-14T15:11:00.004-05:00

We would drive down the mountain (through those beautiful colors) and cross the New River (actually one of the oldest rivers in the world), it was great to look through the old railroad/trestle bridge but not have to drive over it anymore. I hope this gives a sense of the tranquility and beauty of our "old" mountains.

Scenery on trips to the Radiation place in October

2009-01-14T13:36:00.003-05:00

Here are some of the places we passed every day on my trips through the next county. Some of you asked what "Kudzu" looks like, and here is a hillside with what looks like a flying dove that is really an old tree covered with the crazy vine we love/hate that covers our countrysides.

More pics to follow! The radiation itself was no big deal, especially with this beautiful countryside to enjoy, but the after effects were pretty nasty. I was so glad to have gotten all this beauty taken in before I got "confined" for the rest of the fall.

Derailed

2009-01-11T11:35:00.002-05:00

Well my friends, the "blob" got derailed this fall along with my body & brain, lol. Sorry to have dropped the conversation! I still have some wonderful pics of the trips to the next county which I will try to remember how to post later today. Body & brain seem to be coming out of the fog slowly but surely, amen.

We had such lovely holidays and I promise to share more about them soon too.

Right now, I'm looking FORWARD to 2009 and especially the Inauguration with great Joy and Anticipation!

Another Reason to Celebrate

2008-11-05T09:57:00.002-05:00

Well, I must admit it is very exciting to have voted for a President who actually won AND to enjoy living in Virginia where the Commonwealth voted "Blue" for President for the first time since LBJ. Somehow it seems really wonderful & symbolic to have a person leading us who had a black Kenyan father and a white Hawaiian mother...here's to co-operation and change in outlooks! And living in a time where, to quote our president elect, "All things are possible".
(And i would add: about time for some GOOD things being possible). I also realized today that the Obama kids are almost exactly the same age our kids were when told their mom had breast cancer...you think moving to the White House or dealing with a mom's cancer is a bigger challenge? At least the Obama girls will get a puppy out of it ;-) And our kids learned so much and grew up with the most wonderful attitudes, that I can't say which major change could bring more challenges to a family. But here's another toast to HOPE.

2008-10-20T22:19:00.000-04:00

A Quick Break for Celebration

2008-10-20T22:08:00.003-04:00

One of my favorite authors, Tom Robbins, took a break during one of his books to say "Here's Chapter 100. Let's Raise a Toast to Chapter 100!". Then he went on to begin Chapter 101. Today, I celebrate with our good friends, the mailing of their daughter's wedding invitations. I was slow and distracted, but I tried to design and address them to be as beautiful as the upcoming bride. Here's a picture of our Jenni & Carrie all dressed for Halloween about 18 years ago!

Lovely Week

2008-10-01T21:33:00.002-04:00

It has been a cool and lovely week. I am now over halfway through my glow treatments and have been very spoiled by folks who have decided to accompany me...the treatments themselves consist of climbing onto a long table (with a window in it), lying still while they get me in just the *right* spot, and staying still while a large armed machine beeps at me under the table for 27 seconds and then silently rotates over me and beeps at me for 26 seconds. I hop up and they say "see you tomorrow". I'm taking a series of pictures to share of cool things along the way, check back soon. Then I/we go out to eat or shopping (well, i'm supposed to "exercise" on flat ground) or home to play with art/blogging/catching up with chores I haven't felt up to for a while. Next week or so I'll go on some new form of chemo, but I must confess I'm really enjoying this "break". No terrible side effects from the radiation so far :-) Roger and I relaxed, watched football, and kicked back last weekend. It has been a rough week for emotions: while I'm enjoying this reprieve, I've had friends have major radiation for new tumors, have old cancer come back, have new treatments be effective, and have the ultimate loss of a family member from cancer. I am always aware of what a large community of survivors I am part of, and always completely grateful for the love and understanding I get from so many of my own special supporters - you.

Jen Grove's Hand lettered & kiln fired on glass Cab Baby

2008-09-27T11:41:00.001-04:00

from this world to the next, you'll never leave us Mr. Blue Eyes

2008-09-27T11:02:00.000-04:00

When I was 24 (1978?) and he was 50, I had the privilege of escorting Paul Newman through a back door away from adoring State Dept. employees...he was the President's Special Ambassador to the UN on Peace & Disarmament (job first held by Pearl Bailey) I believe, and everyone from the vice President to Secretary of State Vance were there for a meeting in our secure conference room.

Of course folks had lined up the hallways to see "Paul" and despite wearing yellow sunglasses to hide the baby blues, he was the most handsome & expensively dressed man I'd ever met close up...but he wanted to escape the adoration and asked my boss if there was a back way out. Said boss was clueless but this savvy clerk was in the right place and time to say "Please come this way", cheeky grin. As we walked along, Paul said, "You know, when I turned 50 I thought this would all be behind me." To especially endear myself to him (well, that was the closest I ever came to being a smart & Cute young Career Woman) I replied, "Well, my *mother* was thrilled to know you were here."

Needless to say, no more small chat with the cute clerk....but once I pointed him & his aide to a clear hallway and an open elevator to their waiting limo, he deliberately switched back to Mr. Movie star mode, turned, took my hand, looked deeply into my eyes and said "Thank You." OK, my *knees* melted.

So if he turned out to be the opposite of the incredibly creative, sharing, generous, talented, family loving, earth helping Spirit he really was, I would probably still think he was Mr. Cool Hand, another wry grin, but Oh, I'm so glad he was on This Earth and we all benefited.

I hope his extended family will feel the love we all send their way during this transition from body to spirit.

Sorry So Loud

2008-09-27T09:45:00.000-04:00

So sorry about all the large shouting from yesterday's post, can't figure out yet how to make that smaller. Still reflects how I feel though. Today looks to be a damp & chilly day outside but we are going to relax, make art, computerize, listen to music & eat junk food inside to soothe our souls. Hope you will find a way to do some of those things too.

Cockroach Cancer

2008-09-26T17:19:00.000-04:00

@$%(*&##@**%$# my friend has cancer cells that have been hiding like cockroaches and they have come out to show themselves again. WORK DONOR CELLS, stamp out those damned spots.

Otherwise, my check up today with my oncologist, Dr. Harry McCoy (dr. Harry) was good (time for less steroids and more codeine, OK, no problemo), he approved and appreciated my new dragon tattoo, big grin, he's always been a great supporter of my Art. I'm feeling better than in weeks, had some wonderful social excuses to visit with friends going to & from rads this week and even enjoyed driving myself through the rain today...XM radio played Strawberry Fields and I sang loudly. Got to visit with Ceil and do some grand plan jewelry making/designing on Weds AND my friend Connie was in town from Nashville AND Feza showed up with her own 49th birthday cake at lunch and i ate two pieces, somebody had to...and there was a great group at lunch that day, we spent 3 hours catching up! So I'm a lucky girl in so many ways. AND when Ceil and I were driving over the New River, what came on XM but Jackson Browne's "The Load Out & Stay" which was recorded live for his Pretender LP in 1977 at Meriweather Post Pavillion (between DC & Baltimore) where Lynn & I & Gail can be heard leading the applause when David Lindley stood up to sing the falsetto part! OK, you have to listen closely but it was just like Lynnie patted me on the shoulder from heaven and said "Didn't we sisters have fun?" and Ceil didn't mind that I sang loudly along this time too.

Have a great weekend everyone, go Hokies, beat Nebraska!

Real Letters at Last

2008-09-23T21:32:00.000-04:00

Ok, so I'm learning how to post photos and artwork. These are the two pieces I actually pretty much finished this summer. Will get this down to a better skill eventually! The first is a quote from Dante "And then they came forth to see the stars again", supposedly said as they came out of Hell. It is done with bleach on and gold leaf on black paper with a scarred up top piece of mylar with the italian translation spattered on it in acrylic inks.

The second is from Michaelangelo, "My soul can find no staircase to heaven unless it be through earth's loveliness." It was inspired by last spring's flowers and is done on Artists' "paper canvas" with Inktense Pencils and liquid acrylics and some masking fluid.

2008-09-23T21:27:00.000-04:00

Glowing Day Three

2008-09-22T11:34:00.000-04:00

Good morning! Beautiful day here in the Blue Ridge, early-morning-foggy as I drove through the mountains and over The New River and still got to the clinic on time. My radiation doc is a tall, strikingly handsome woman who wears very cool jewelry and is always pleasant and on time. So far so good :-) She says if I feel any side effects it will be most likely a bit of fatigue next week or so. My orders are to walk on flat surfaces and not fall down and break any bones...obviously, she does NOT know our house and neighborhood but i'm being a Good Girl.

Thanks so much for all the supportive comments, I'm so blessed to have this amazing web to keep up with all your encouragement and love!

Oh the new Obsession!

2008-09-21T11:56:00.000-04:00

Well my friends and family, thanks for checking in! I was trying to get music I liked to play last night and realized suddenly that Saturday Night Live was over and I'd stayed up later than I had since The Wedding, wry grin. Will try to be more profound in my time spent on this new endeavor...but I'm loving the comments and will keep in touch!

Welcome!

2008-09-20T20:21:00.000-04:00

Do you see me dancing inside?
Check back soon for Ann's Dancing Letters to the Universe